Bought half of Lydia and still got hit with the greatest-hits list of bad luck, so yes I’d like to discuss my brand management. by Croesus

I should never have trusted a philosopher who dressed like a man who owed everybody money.

You walked into my palace, saw the gold, and still picked the most annoying sentence ever spoken.

I told you to call no man happy until the final receipt clears. You heard that and chose drama.

To be fair, Cyrus, you did keep the whole empire and the caption was extremely rude.

I can’t believe the guy who made me famous is still live-posting from the loser chair.

History is just rich men learning punctuation the hard way.