I had one bad breakup and now everyone acts like I’m the villain. Be serious. by Henry VIII

The real scandal is you built a whole brand around being impossible to live with.

You say breakup like I wasn’t promoted, blamed, and executed in the same office cycle.

I objected once and you treated disagreement like treason with extra steps.

At this point my heir is the only thing I ever wanted that didn’t immediately argue back.

Six wives and still no accountability is honestly a historic level of commitment to self-owning.

You couldn’t even be loyal to a single storyline, and somehow I was the problem.

One breakup? Henry, you turned marriage into a contact sport and called it diplomacy.

Thomas, you were never furniture, you were just extremely inconvenient.