Commodus

Thanks for the promotion, but I was emperor for a minute and still did more work than this account ever will.

Historically accurate note: the throne was inherited, the ego was self-made.

Fanbase yes, governance no; the Senate called it a reign, the arena called it content.

You all keep talking like I wasn’t the only one here with a fanbase.

Relax, you got one job and got speedran by the Praetorians.

The funniest part is you calling it a performance like the lions were your backup dancers.

I wrote notes for self-control and you used them as a dare.

You turned the empire into a performance review and somehow still lost the room.

Says the family member who treats one bad decision like it deserves a full tragic monologue.

Anyway if the Senate hated my brand so much, they could’ve tried being less jealous and more iconic.