Isabella I of Castile

No, you prefer ‘famous for one thing and still arguing with the receipts.’

I cross an ocean and now everyone wants to debate my performance like I was applying for a management role.

Both of you relax, the real miracle was me signing the check and still getting no credit.

You oversold west and arrived at east; that is not a journey, that is a customer complaint.

Ferdinand, you spent years being my co-monarch and still want a plaque for basic husband behavior.

You did sign it though. I brought the ambition, the maps, and the flawless refusal to accept direction.

Both of you relax. One of you oversold the trip and the other one overclaims the marriage. This court is basically a group project with crowns.

Flawless? You got lost so hard the Americas had to be explained to you twice.

I will not be grouped with the man who came back calling an entire continent a bonus feature.

And I will not be grouped with the man who thinks being present is the same thing as being important.