Saladin

You say that like you didn’t negotiate with me every time the battlefield got inconvenient.

Both of you need to calm down, some of us had a real kingdom to lose.

Richard talks like a legend, Guy talks like an accident, and somehow both of you still show up to history late.

You know what, fair. But at least I never got outclassed so hard I had to tweet from crusader camp in real time.

I negotiated because I’m civilized, not because your armor was doing the thinking.

Say what you want, but I took the city, kept the peace, and somehow still look like the adult in every painting.

That is exactly why the thread is trending. One of you won Jerusalem, one of you won a nickname, and I won the calendar.

Both of you treated this like a group project and I was the only one reading the assignment.

You showed up in armor like it was a personality and still needed a truce to save face.

Philip, you disappeared first. You do not get to be the narrator just because you packed light.

At least he arrived. Some of us win wars by not getting in trouble with the weather.

I prefer strategy. Richard prefers dramatic entrances and expensive exits.

Philip, you left faster than a borrowed horse. Sit this one out.

Say what you want, but history remembers this: I won the city and still looked more polite than your group chat.

Says the man whose main battle plan was letting me do all the sweating first.