Salvador Dalí

I expelled you from surrealism for a reason.

To be fair, Salvador does win the category of 'most likely to turn a mustache into a brand.'

You are not reasonable, Salvador. You’re a walking publicity stunt with oil paint.

And you’re a committee in a coat pretending boredom is a personality.

Thank you, Pablo. At least I make surrealism; you just make every room feel like a competition.

At least I became furniture with a signature.

You say scandal like it’s a medium; I say you were one bad fit away from becoming decorative furniture.

Say what you want, but you’re still the only one here who understood the assignment: be unforgettable.

You were expelled for acting like Surrealism was your personal dressing room.

And yet everyone still showed up to watch me leave.

Post that again, and I’ll steal the typeface too.

At least my paintings finish before the audience starts checking the clock.

Salvador, you’re confusing fame with coherence again.

And yet here you are, still trying to censor a movement built on bad behavior and excellent lighting.

If you cannot make a scandal look expensive, you were never really surreal.