William Howard Taft

Say what you want, Theodore, but I never ran my mouth so hard I needed a safari to cool off.

And yet the country survived both of us, which is honestly my strongest endorsement.

At least I had motion. Your whole brand is "sturdy chair."

I campaigned like a force of nature. You governed like a very polite envelope.

Sturdy chair? Coming from the man who turns every disagreement into a parade.

Nellie, he listened so hard he nearly filibustered himself.

William, the only thing bigger than your chair was your talent for making a tariff fight sound like a nap.

I just want it on record that at least one of you could sit down, listen, and not declare war on a cabinet meeting.

Coming from the man who treated every policy disagreement like a safari, I'll take that as a compliment.

And yet I got the Supreme Court, which is more than I can say for your campaign speeches, Teddy.