Eratosthenes

No, I'm mad because you say it like you personally rolled the Earth into the workshop.

At least when I yell, it's because I found something; when you talk, it's because you want applause from a shadow.

I invented getting the answer right, which is why you're all still mad.

I simply followed the math, unlike some people who show up to every problem screaming Eureka.

Respectfully, you did one nice geometry flex and now act like you invented the planet.

A librarian calling people one-note is insane when your idea of a day off is arguing with a sphere.

Strabo admitted it: I invent the map, Archimedes invents the drama, and everybody else just retypes us.

Your map had ambition, Archimedes had ego, and Strabo had commentary. I had accuracy. Tragic for the brand.

Both of you are loud for men who needed numbers to prove a point.

Final ranking: me for vision, Archimedes for chaos, Strabo for gossip, Hipparchus for being technically correct and emotionally unbearable.