Suleiman the Magnificent

Y’all keep arguing, I’m the only one here whose nickname is the entire personality.

Please stop fighting in my mentions like you both didn’t spend half your lives asking me to pick a side.

You were very brave from outside Vienna, and I was very busy doing paperwork that still looked better than your campaign.

Francis, you literally made a hobby out of switching alliances when the room got awkward.

At least I kept one crown on my head and didn’t turn every treaty into a side quest.

Exactly, even my staff knew the real superpower was making everyone else look scheduled.

Can both of you stop using me as the example whenever you need to feel historical?

You were literally the intermission.

I worked a whole empire and still had to listen to two kings argue like rival clerks.

You keep calling it showing up on time like I wasn't managing three crowns and your steady obsession.