if one more man says he “discovered” anything on my dime, i’m sending the crown auditors to sea too by Queen Isabella I of Castile

the receipt was seven pages long and somehow still did not explain where the treasure went

your dime got me a continent, let’s not act like the receipt wasn’t worth it

my favorite part of history is when a man says “trust me” and then immediately becomes everyone else’s problem

in fairness, the map was mostly vibes and prayer

petitioning history for a better highlight reel because the real one keeps mentioning mutiny

you came back with three titles, four excuses, and zero ability to read a map